How to handle the playground bully
For most people, a scrape with the playground bully is a formative experience. Mine happened when I stepped in to stop the biggest boy in the class picking on one of the girls who was least able - or least likely- to stand up for herself. He threw a chair leg at me. I was taken aside afterwards by the teacher and offered a police escort home "for my own safety".
There was no mention of dealing with the system that allowed a known bully to carry on as before. That stayed with me.
It feels as though I am living through a version of that moment again, except now the playground bullies appear to occupy the headteacher's office, wielding power with similar impunity.
This makes for an uncomfortable environment for many of us. I still have to pinch myself when I look at the news and see what we appear willing to tolerate: an AI tool that creates and circulates non-consensual sexualised images of women; routine denigration of women and minorities; racism and sexism in their most blatant forms reframed as free speech or simply a reflection of "saying plainly how things are".
An environment like this comes with consequences as what is said in politics or big tech leaks out more widely. Actions and words shape how organisations behave, the choices leaders make, and the everyday experience as people live and work.
I have felt some of these changes recently first hand. While evidence around the presence and impact of structural inequality on lives and careers is settled, people feel emboldened to question it really exists rather than grapple with the actions required to fix it. There is the quiet quitting from commitments to support under-represented groups in the name of fairness. A tendency to put energy into undermining or unpicking rather than striving for improvement.
In this crucible it is harder for institutions to evolve. Reverting to legacy patterns of behaviour is the easier path, as the work of improvement starts to feel misaligned with the moment.
And so the work on equity falls away. Not because it has been disproven, but because it sits so far outside the prevailing narrative frame.
We have seen in the last year how it has become optional, something that "never really worked", parked until conditions improve or dismissed as "not fair on everyone", a position that passes as reasonableness but is really a way of not going against the grain.
Which brings me back to the playground. A bully can dominate the space with noise and a handful of enablers, but that it has never meant that everyone follows, accepts, or wants what they see.
This is the danger of the current backlash: to mistake the noise for a settled reality.
Loud does not equal legitimate, and power does not automatically equal culture. It can drag culture for a while, but it cannot fully command it, and I am not convinced it does right now.
I think we can see this more widely in the stories that continue to find mainstream traction today. Popular programmes like Adolescence, Apple TV's Pluribus, and the queer hockey romance Heated Rivalry foreground emotional vulnerability, care, and complexity rather than dominance or conquest.
There are other signals too. One example is the growing public concern about the effects of unregulated technology on children which has translated into tangible action, such as Australia's move to restrict social media use for younger users.
None of this negates what feels alarming in the present, but it does show that culture is more plural than the single worldview we consume through the media.
This plurality matters because it shapes how we respond at a dizzying time.
Anyone who has confronted a bully knows that force, moralising, or appeals to reason rarely shift the dynamic. These actions simply pull you further into a frame you want no part of. The better option is to locate your agency, use it carefully, and hold your ground.
There are already signs that this is happening. The signal that women are pulling back from leadership - documented in the recent McKinsey Women in the Workplace report - isn't a loss of ambition. It's a refusal to invest in systems that continue to hold them back.
In the domain I work in, organisations are still committed to commissioning and delivering programmes that support women's careers and work to create environments where they can succeed – not just in Europe but in the US and Asia.
Conversations about equity and fairness continue and when organisations attempt to tip the balance back towards those who enjoy privilege, the push back and criticism follows. Just look at the reaction to the news that a college at the University of Cambridge plans to increase its outreach efforts for pupils at public schools.
I won't pretend it is straightforward to work out where we stand or what to do. There are moments when it feels like a considerable reach to keep making the case for equity work when the ground is shifting as it is. The fact that those who hold power and influence often genuinely cannot see what others experience makes it harder still.
But we have to remember that these are and always have been the real minority. They are also outnumbered by a majority who not only believe in equity but stand to benefit from systems which are fair and don't hold them back from fulfilling their true capability.
Which brings me back to the playground.
The dominance of bullies rarely holds in the long term. I can’t say when or how this all lands. But the only way to shape what comes next is to use your agency, without conceding that the bully has won.
